He Wasn’t You

 

He used to stare me down and gaze into my eyes. He used to always reach to hold my hand and I used to ask him what was he staring at whenever he would just look at me for long periods of times. He would say, “what you’re beautiful I can’t look at you?” He used to always take me out to eat, always used to show me off, always made it seem like I was the prettiest girl in the world. He used to always put me first and used to always make me feel like I was everything. But I was never in love with him. I was not in love with him simply because of the fact that he was not you. I actually hated him because he wasn’t you. I used to get mad because he didn’t challenge me like you. All the qualities he had were perfect but they weren’t good enough because it wasn’t coming from you. So for you to say that I was in love with a man that treated me how a young lady is supposed to be treated , you are actually wrong. So one day I hope and I pray that all the qualities that man had, you will embrace them, you will stare me down, you always reach out to hold my hand when we’re walking, you always make it seem like I’m the prettiest girl in the world, you make me feel like I’m your everything. One day I hope that it’s you because I always wanted it to be you. Its been 9 years and I’m married to you because I believed in you but how much longer should I wait to say he finally has those qualities. I feel like I fell in love with your potential. I feel like I fell in love with you future. but I didn’t fall in love with you for who you were.

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6 thoughts on “He Wasn’t You

  1. Damn. This is intense. Does he know? I had to relearn how to love my fiance because I too was doing exactly what you are doing now. I had to learn to love him where he was at and when I didn’t feel the love, I reached out to him and let him know that I was suffering. That was a rocky time but we grew from it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He knows to a certain extent but he doesn’t know all the little details. But i have expressed it to him on soooo many occasions. Sometimes I just let him love me the way he knows how because I do seem him putting in effort or trying to I guess you could say. And yes it can get rocky because I can’t force him to love me the way I want to be loved. Lol so sometimes I just except it, but then I wonder if I’m settling for less. Hmm…

      Liked by 1 person

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