The Hand You Hold

 

As I look back time and time again and realized the things I should have done…now it’s too late. Wishing I could reach back into the past and grab the negativity and replace it with a positive force. I know I said some fucked up things that I know He will forgive me for. But since I did not repent on time, I’m suffering. Suffering in every aspect in my life. But what could have went wrong? Where did I go wrong?

Why does it seem like I’m the only one fighting this battle? I have no heart. It was torn apart by the people I thought who loved me. Everyday is a fight. But I will be alright, once I step into the light. Had a few thoughts about going to sleep and not wanting to wake up… Yea, I knew it was wrong, so my soul…I had to shake up!

Focus.

Faith.

That’s where my conscience steps in. Telling me to believe and not to sin. Trying to find the easy way out…it only gets harder.

Faith.

Faith and I fighting with one another. Faith wanting to be my shield. Shield of heartache. Shield from Lies. Shield of God. Simply my protector.

Yes, I lost Faith at one point. I pretended to forget where she resided. Because I was only living for me and I thought my name was Faith. I had put all my trust in me. I was holding my hold hand, and it started to let me down. I was forgetful of who the Almighty was. Forgive me God. Hold my hand as I hold no one else’s but yours. I know I can do better. This pain and this shame had brought me down to my lowest of lows. I was tormenting my own soul. I was suffocating and did not even realize it. Oh how I escaped this hell, I am so thankful.

I will no longer be a shrinking violet. My soul will no longer be silent.

 

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