Terms and Conditions
~When I look back at all we have been through, I believe that we were truly destined to be together. We were meant to experience each other’s pain. But how much of someone else’s trial should you experience before you realize that enough is enough. When do you press the breaks and tell the one that you love that they are hindering you from your happiness? Do you really tell them that? We all have a right to our will. There are terms and conditions to your life and when you allow someone to run over them because you have abused your own life policies yourself, they then become entitled to your life. You have now given them a seat at the head of the table next to you. I have allowed you to rewrite my terms and conditions and I allowed you to sign off on it without me reading your fine print because I trusted you.
~When you help carry someone’s cross you then become weary. Should your significant other be angry at you because you want to take a break and focus on you? Not really. You let them sign your rights away. You have now become a slave of their demands.
~The only way I can change this is to change the pattern. Change the way I love you. It will hurt you just as much as it will hurt me but I must do this in order to fall in love with myself again. I then must harden my heart and act as if I never cared about how far we have become. I must act as if the child we bared together was something from a fairytale.
I must then act like I’m the victim and you have destroyed my future. But why then must I get you back in a difficult way like this. This strategy hurts, but it works.
~When I have given you years of my youth. When I bared your first born. When I have cried over you more then anything else in this world, I have allowed myself to lose all self control in me and my future. There were times when I was pregnant and I was more worried about if you ate instead of myself. How crazy did I allow this to get. Why wasn’t I happy? I was angry because I knew that I was a slave to your demands and I allowed you to rewrite my terms and conditions for life.
~So after 8 years of my life revolving around anothers, do you get angry because I make a stand because for a change I want to be the master of my destiny. I want to be the director of my soul. I want to be the conductor of my flesh. Do you then get worried because I am no longer under your law? Under your control? Controlled by your flesh? Do you then get worried because I might wake up one morning and express how I might not need you anymore?
~When do they wake up and say. Yes, there is a problem. I am selfish. You loved me more then I ever loved you. You were easy to control and I took advantage of your life and future because I never had control of mine. When do you wake up and say, Yes, I am at fault. I never revolved my life around you like you did me but I’m willing to. When do you open your eyes and say that it’s time to rewrite my own terms and conditions again?
When do you make it known to the world that you do love me and your life finally revolves around mine instead of vice versa. When will our roles be switched? Tomorrow? Next week? Another 8 years?
~Time doesn’t last forever.
La Toya Duncan June 5, 2014 …just understand and keep and mind that my heart knows that you have yet to give your all. Don’t wait to long to love harder when I’m long gone because I wouldn’t be able to agree.